The Pursuit of Happiness

For as long as I can remember, I always had the feeling that the puzzle pieces of my life didn’t fit together quite… right. If my career was on an upswing, my love life certainly wasn’t. If everything was all quiet on the family front, then my health was Shaqtin’ a fool. I had gotten pretty used to disappointment being my new normal. And instead of realizing that life isn’t always perfect and that “shit happens,” I would always blame my irritable nature on something other than me. My boss is an asshole. That guy is an asshole. My acne is an asshole. No, girl. The only asshole here is your way of thinking. So once I stopped letting other factors influence my happiness, the puzzle pieces finally started to fit.

I stopped wallowing in fear after getting fired from my lackluster job. Instead, I saw it as yet another ~sign~ that I wasn’t meant for corporate life. Now, I was truly inspired to strive for the career I was meant for.

I stopped worrying about money and took that vacation I always wanted. After all, I’ve been working and saving since I was 15. And for what? To never enjoy it?

I stopped allowing someone to treat me like garbage and gave way for someone truly wonderful to step in.

I stopped thinking about the path my life is SUPPOSED to take, and I started forging the path I WANTED it to take.

I guess it comes with the millennial territory to never be satisfied. To always be striving for more. To always be on the brink of an emotional meltdown because that one little thing didn’t go your way. But honestly, fuck that noise. Sometimes, you have to let it go like Frozen. I finally did. And, as a result, I’m the happiest I’ve been in a hot minute. Who knew it was that freaking easy?

#TheEuropeTurnUp Part Deux

After five full weeks in Europe, this baby bitch has officially returned to these beautiful United States. It definitely feels like I’ve lived a thousand lives since I left, but I’ll try my best to condense everything into a neat little blog post. So, here’s part two of #TheEuropeTurnUp:


I’ve been asked a few times what my favorite city was throughout the trip. Without hesitation, I always say Madrid. The food, the people, the museums. Just absolute magic and perfection. Plus, it’s extremely simple to navigate via metro and very walkable, too. Which proved to be a plus for me, since I get lost going to the bathroom. The hostal I stayed in (Hostal Meyra) was staffed by THE nicest people. Legit, I don’t think I’ve received more hospitable service in my life.

If you come to Madrid and don’t visit El Prado or Museo Reina Sofia, just quit at life. Seeing Picasso’s Guernica in real life (after seeing a replica hanging in my best friend’s childhood home for the entirety of my youth) made me feel some type of way. Parque de el Retiro is akin to New York City’s Central Park, but sparkles just a little more (in my opinion). There’s a huge lake where you can rent a rowboat (which I did with my friend Ashley in an extremely romantic The Notebook moment). Also, a glass house that’s pretty fun to walk through and take pictures in.

Do yourself a favor and watch a flamenco show (and chug all of the sangria). Also make sure to have tons of tapas, tortilla and paella. Pro tip: when you order a beverage at certain bars, a tapa (or more) come for free 99. I spent my life ordering tintos and getting ish for free. #themoreyouknow


I felt ignorant as fuck arriving in Barcelona and quickly realizing that Spanish is not the predominant language. It’s Catalan. Which, I always thought was “a form of Spanish.” It’s not. It’s an entirely different language. So, that was a lesson learned. After having my mind blown with that little fact, I booked it to Park Guell for amazing views of the city. Later on, I met one of the girls I would be traveling with for the next two weeks. This is where I pause for a brief story on how life has a funny way of working itself out (and bear with me, because it can get confusing). Two months prior to the trip, my friend Kat introduced me via text to her sassy and incredibly kind friend Dana, who included me in her travel plans with no questions asked. She then suggested I get in touch with HER friend Sam, who wanted to travel to Mykonos and was thinking of going at it solo. So, I did. And now I guess I should let everyone know that Sam and I are practically married.

As a Barcelona native of nearly a year, she took me out and introduced me to her lovely friends, showed me around the city, booked us for a visit to La Sagrada Familia (one of the most beautiful buildings I have ever seen) and talked art with me at the Picasso Museum (another must-visit location).

Seeing the city through the eyes of a local was SUCH a rewarding experience. And if it weren’t for my friend Kat and her friend Dana and HER friend Sam, I would’ve certainly missed out.

Greece (Athens, Santorini, Mykonos)

While Madrid was certainly my favorite city in Europe, the absolute BEST part of the five weeks was the time I spent in Greece with some of the baddest bitches I have ever met. In addition to Dana and Sam, their friends Valerie and Maggie were also in tow for a week full of laughter, sun, history, culture, tzatziki and romance (at least for Dana). Pro tip: visit the Black Beach and eat at Poseidon for a spectacular ocean/sunset view. Maybe skip Red Beach, which took us FOREVS to get to and wasn’t that impressive.

Highlights: Acropolis in Athens (after you get over all the men trying to holler at you, you’ll appreciate the magnitude and importance of this area).

Daylong boat excursion in Santorini (which included visits to a volcano, hot springs and the blue domed houses in Oia). Oh, and stay in Oia for the sunset. Yes, there’s a ton of people there, but it’s absolutely stunning.

Staying at Hotel Artemoulas in Mykonos. After all the hustle and bustle up until then, this hostel was a much-needed place to simply relax, enjoy the pool and benefit from the close proximity to the beach.


Much like Nice, this was also a “chill” city for me. Tons of beaching and eating on our part (this portion of the vacay was shared with Dana and Valerie). We were staying in a German-centric part of town, which was amusing. What wasn’t? The fact that we were staying a stones throw away from a strip of bars and souvenir shops that could only be compared to an episode of Jersey Shore. Our hostel didn’t have AC either, so that was a bummer, but the staff and their hospitality more than made up for it.


The last city in my incredible adventure! The first night was absolutely miserable due to my hostel not having AC and thinking a single oscillating fan on the ground was enough for six girls. I was on the top bunk, so got zero air. Also, no guard rail on the bunk, so I was afraid to sleep for fear of falling overboard. Needless to say, I had to book a hotel room for the remaining two nights.

The architecture in this city is amazing. The overall vibe is great. But it was so hot (that suffocating type of heat that makes you chug seven water bottles daily) that I couldn’t fully enjoy myself. So, maybe that’s why I had a less than stellar impression of the city? Anywho, Il Duomo is amazing on the outside. The inside? MEH. St. Peter’s Basilica and Sagrada Familia beat it out in my book. I climbed the cathedral bell tower (which, despite being HELLA HOT, was worth it, if only for the view). Accademia Gallery should be visited on a Sunday when it’s free, so you can see the statue of David ~in the flesh~. Otherwise, it’s a skippable venue. Incredibly small and all of the artwork is the same. So, unless you want to see a bajillion versions of the crucifixion of Christ, the virgin’s coronation or Madonna with child, then just leave this one out of your plans. Pro tip: there’s a statue of David replica right outside Palazzo Vecchio if you really want to see his junk. Speaking of which, the Palazzo Vecchio Museum is also pretty dull. Just a ton of unfurnished rooms that the Medici family inhabited. Artwork on the ceilings is tight. Statues of Hercules inside are also dope. Pero, if you’re here with limited time, I wouldn’t bother. My final day in town I ended up meeting an awesome gal in the line for Uffizi Gallery (Pro Tip: spend the extra 4 euro to reserve a specific time to enter and stand in a way shorter line. The main line to enter was a 2 hour wait. Ain’t nobody got time for that). Her and I breezed through the museum, filled with masterpieces by Raffaele, Michelangelo and possibly the other two Ninja Turtles. We then decided to YOLO and take a little trip to Pisa to see the Leaning Tower (SO worth it for me, if only for the photo ops and the lols).

Pro tip: Apparently Florence has some baller ass Chinese food (who knew?) I had a 6 euro meal that was to die for. So, take a break from the pasta, pizza and gelato (which is all divine here) and get in on that Chinese food doe. But if you’re like fuck that noise, I want even more pasta, pizza and gelato, then visit Mercado Centrale (which came recommended by my friend Natalia and is where I ate lunch every single day).

So, that concludes my wrap-up. It was a life altering, magnificent, incredibly special month of June. And, with so many other cities to explore, I know I’ll be seeing Europe again soon.

Much like my last post, I invite you to creep on my Instagram (@GoLourdesDuarte) for pictures and amusing commentary.


I must start this post by saying that I feel like a bag of dicks for abandoning my blog for a month. But, between moving out of my apartment and preparing for my Euro trip, some things fell through the cracks. So, now that it’s been a full two weeks that I’ve been prancing around Europe, it’s a good a time as any for an update. Actually, it’s because my hostel in Nice has computers and I actually COULD write a post. In any case, below are my thoughts, comments and concerns on the cities I’ve visited thus far!


I mean, the people barely speak English, the city is filled with tourists and you’ll be blowin’ money fast because it’s so damn expensive, but Paris is freaking BEAUTIFUL. So much so, that it caused me to expel moisture from my eyes… twice. And the food is baller. Crepes, crème brûlé, souffle, macarons. I just wanted to eat all of the things. Fromage forever!

Fun highlights: cried while taking the elevator up to the top of the Eiffel Tower, cried while inside Notre Dame, my travel pals and I almost busted our respective asses in the Catacombs, joyously danced to “Paris” outside Versailles.


The people have been the friendliest that I’ve encountered. Which… should really come as no surprise. Red Light District has absolutely no chill, as there are semi-naked ladies in the windows at all hours. Good food was hard to find, which is why we ended up eating at the same delicious Chinese restaurant twice. But you can’t leave this place without trying a waffle. Pero like the thin ones with honey in the middle not the big fluffy ones that are usually stale. Ugh, I wish I could remember what the thin ones are actually called. Anyhow, the city is pretty small, so getting through it all in two days is more than doable. My favorite museums from the trip have been the Van Gogh Museum and the Anne Frank House, so I strongly recommend both to any potential visitors.


Traveling to this city wasn’t originally in my plans, but after my friend suggested going, I decided to book a flight and YOLO. And thank God I did. If you’re a fan of history, do yourself a favor and come here. From the Nazis to the commies, Berlin has had a rough go of it, but it’s a truly fascinating place. Also, I never thought German food would be my jam, but I quickly realized how very wrong I was. Spätzle, schnitzel, pretzels. NOM. Also, you can walk around with beer in hand just about anywhere you go and there are no fucks given. It should also be noted that both the hostel I stayed in and the people I met there were quite delightful.


Upon arriving, I absolutely hated my hostel. It was filled with youths, my room was located in a random building across the street and the staff was comprised of a bunch of twats. Luckily, one of my roomies was this wonderful British gal who made the experience so much better. In fact, we decided to catch a David LaChapelle exhibit at Palazzo delle Esposizioni, which was fab.  However, the “traditional” sites in this city are absolutely remarkable. The Vatican, Sistine Chapel, St. Peter’s Basilica, Colosseum, Roman Forum, Spanish Steps… you really can’t miss any of them. The two downsides we experienced: 1) the Trevi Fountain is under renovation, so it looks like someone took a dump on it. 2) the “skip the line” tickets for the Vatican are bullsh.

Much like Paris, there are tourists and lines everywhere you go. So, keeping my rage in check was a struggle. Oh, and I wrecked the youths during beer pong at the hostel bar. As the oldest bitch in the group, I was quite proud of myself.


This was my “chill city,” so I haven’t done much other than walk along the beach, drink a daiquiri and climb up Le Château. There’s no hustle and bustle, so I’ve just been doing me. Legit, that’s all I have to report.

Next up on #TheEuropeTurnUp are Madrid, Barcelona, Athens, Santorini, Mykonos, Mallorca, Florence and then home sweet home on July 9! Yes, the return is a lot sooner than I anticipated, but I’m hemorrhaging money out here! Also, return flights to Miami are ridic expensive, and I want to visit La Patria (aka Cuba) with Momma Duarte upon my return. So, while it’ll be goodbye to Europe, it’ll be hello to other amazing adventures.

Finally, because I’m an idiot/lazy, I’m not embedding images into this post. But feel free to creep on Instagram  – @GoLourdesDuarte.

So Anxious. But Not Like Ginuwine.

I’ve always been an anxious person. The type that had to show up to a movie at least 30 minutes before it started. The one that finished school projects the day they were assigned just so it wouldn’t be looming over my head. And I’ve basically been a control freak of some sort for as long as I can remember. While my anxiety was always manageable in my earlys 20s, I’ve now been #blessed with semi-frequent panic attacks. Which is SO great. Because not only do you have to deal with the sensation of feeling like death is imminent, but people making fun of you for it is also really spectacular.

I remember the first one being triggered by a Kanye West song. After a few notes, I couldn’t breathe, my hands had locked and even calling my best friend to help me was a struggle. A short while after that, it was a joke between us that “Kanye West caused my panic attack.” And why wouldn’t I make light of it? It wasn’t a chronic problem. I was convinced that it was the first and the last. A fluke of some sort.

The second one happened during 4th of July weekend. I had just gotten home from a night of drinking (which would be a constant in the panic attacks to come). This time, however, I couldn’t blame it on Kanye West. Triggered by a string of frustrating text messages, panic started to set in. Then the loss of breath. The pacing. The repeated mantra of “you’re gonna be okay.”

The third was mild. You know, just the feeling of my necklace choking me and my pants cutting off circulation. And let’s not forget the lack of breathing. That’s always the best part.

The fourth. It’s my favorite one. Happened again during a holiday. Except this one came with the whole gasping for air portion, but also a healthy dose of sobbing and speaking “as if I was stuck on repeat.” Had to get gently slapped across the face and promised Taco Bell to start coming down from that one.

So, I guess this is an issue I’m going to deal with for a hot minute. But, I’m taking the necessary steps to make sure I know how to handle the next one. Hopefully it won’t come. But, that’s what I thought after the first… and second… and third. Maybe the answer is as simple as not drinking during major holidays.

I Got It From My Momma

I realize that I’m a few days removed from Mother’s Day for a post dedicated to the baddest bitch I know, but I find that holiday to be un poquito bootleg anyhow. Don’t think that I’m not utterly obsessed with the woman that birthed and raised me. Quite the opposite, actually. EVERY day should be one in which she is celebrated, played only the finest Pitbull songs and treated to Miami’s best croquetas.

So, when one of my favorite writers/women/humans wrote an ode to her “vieja” on Tumblr, I had to follow suit with a dedication of my own.

My original ride or die, Momma Duarte had me eight days after her 18th birthday. It’s an important fact to note since being a teen mom is no easy feat. Even less when you have to raise the kid on your own. The absence of my father never bothered me though. To me, it was normal. Sure, other kids had two parents, but I felt like I did too. Because moms kept me swagged out in the hottest Disney gear. Sent me on every single school field trip with the most enviable Lunchable. Bought me that fancy hot pink Motorola Razr. And never let me feel like I was going without.

Aside from material things, I got so much more from my mom. For starters, my sick dance moves (although, her attempts to teach me salsa and bachata have failed throughout the years). My sass, class… and ass. My hustle. My appreciation for Willy Chirino’s greatest hits. But, most importantly, she has given me her blind support. I want to move to L.A.? She’s there cheering me on (and calling dibs on almost all my possessions). I want a 305 tattoo to ~stay close to my roots~? She’s asking if she can come with. I have an improv show that I know she won’t fully understand? She’s sitting there and laughing at everything I say. She’s kinda sorta the best freaking person I know.

So, if you’re lucky enough to have a mom like mine, don’t just give her flowers on some random day out of the year. Smother her with affection, ALWAYS. At least call her once a day. Cook HER some empanadas for a change. After all, this woman deserves it. She’s been dealing with some form of your bitchassness for years.

He’s No Item. Please Don’t Like Him.

I’ve been a bad friend. I’ve gone against girl code. I’ve hushed the rules of feminism. I have literally driven people to the brink of unfriending me (IN REAL LIFE). All because I possess this pesky little thing called feelings. They’re of the lustful variety. The absolute worst kind to have. But, you know, I can’t help them.

There is nothing more frustrating than knowing something is bad for you and not being able to help yourself. But, it’s the feels. They come around when you’re with your cuddle buddy on the low. They tell you that everything is perfect and magical. Then, before you know it, said cuddle buddy is back to their typical douchebaggery and you’re forced to face the friends that you have disappointed. They say they aren’t judging. They say “do you.” But every interaction with them becomes much harsher. You can see them getting bored with you.

So who do you listen to? Ultimately, you listen to yourself. And, if you’re anything like me, that little voice inside is saying to put distance between yourself and the situation. It’s saying to run away to another continent for an extended vacation. It’s saying to travel across the country and set up shop… permanently. There’s only one problem. There’s a possibility that those pesky little feelings will most certainly follow.

Viva Los Angeles

After spending a delightful week in Los Angeles, it would be remiss of me not to include a mini recap of what I was up to.

By now, it’s a well-known fact that I’ve decided to hightail it over to the West Coast come September. This crazy little idea took form over three years ago when my lovely mentor kept proclaiming how “tired” Miami was. She was right. Employment opportunities are scarce. Romantic possibilities even more so. Yes, this is my home. I will love it long time. But, considering I’ve never lived elsewhere, I’m feeling some type of way about the 305 by now. Then, after spending three weeks hiking Machu Picchu and tearing up Peru and Colombia with two L.A. natives last summer (who had nothing but amazing things to say about their hometown), I was inching closer and closer to this big move. And, while I don’t know why it took me this long to realize that I needed a change of scenery, I guess better late than never. Right?

So, off I went last week. I stayed with the aforementioned mentor and her amazing family. I got to meet friends of friends that so graciously showed me around and decided to have lunch/dinner with me so I wouldn’t be a friendless loser. I was invited to my first UCB sketch comedy show, cementing my decision to start taking sketch writing/improv classes there this fall. I had food that would make angels weep from its glory. I had SUPER (you can take the girl out of Miami, but you can’t take Miami out of the girl) pleasant Lyft drivers (one time for my main man Kyle). The kitsch and glamour of Hollywood is where I wanted to take permanent residence. AND….. I found a kickball league. Which I know sounds absolutely ridiculous. Pero like, it’s important to me?

Suffice it to say, it was a productive trip. One that made me feel sure (or as sure as I would ever be), that I wasn’t making a decision of the life ruining variety. Sure that the food and opportunities and people of L.A. were totally right for me. Oh, and the weather. After all, a girl can never have too many good hair days.

The Miami Bucket List

What happens when two Miami natives become simultaneously funemployed right before deciding to leave the city? Well, the Miami Bucket List, OBVIOUSLY. I’m leaving to L.A. to ~follow my dreams~ and hopefully not end up on a porn set. My bad bitch gal pal Kelly is sauntering to Philly with her boo thang. So, here are the very Miami things we want to do before flying the coop:

Watch/Bet On/Try to Understand Jai Alai

I don’t think either one of us really know what the hell this is. What we DO know is that it’s fast-paced, popular in Miami and Cuban men bet on it. But all of that sounds delightful, so we’re about that life.

Frolic Around Vizcaya/Deering Estate

Despite being THE most Cuban, I’ve actually never been to Vizcaya, so we’re gonna put on some white dresses, big hats and frolic around the grounds like the Miami royalty that we think we are. And while we’re at it, we’ll hit up Deering Estate just to get real fancy for a day.

Citi Bike Around the City

Both of us are terrified of biking, so naturally we want to risk life and limb by renting a Citi Bike. Although, by “around the city,” I mean biking a few blocks before the cars scare us and we just walk alongside the bikes until we return them.

Take a Day Trip to the Everglades

Because alligators. And airboats. And Florida panthers. And milkshakes at Robert Is Here fruit stand.

Witness Half Naked Ladies Table Dance at Mangos Tropical Cafe

Yeah, we’ve never been during peak hours. In fact, we’ve laughed at tourists that come here. But now, it’s about freaking time to embrace this place.

Travel to the Mystical Land of Hialeah for Cuban Ice Cream Sandwiches

So I might’ve already done this one because I’m an excitable human being. But hitching it to Hialeah for ice cream is NO JOKE, you guys. Was it delicious? Yes. Would I go back to the birthplace of Ñooo Que Barato? Nope. So, consider this item CHECKED.

Go On a Double Decker Bus Tour

Mostly to see how our city is being advertised.

Happy Hour at King of Diamonds

We’ve both been… but never together. We’re considering it our last Miami strip club hoorah.

Take in a Marlins Game

Since it’s America’s national pastime. No, but really because tickets tend to be dirt cheap, the stadium is in fabulous Little Havana and I love everything about peanuts.

Swim in the Venetian Pool

On an especially hot day since the water is always freezing. And it’ll help us forget how many people have peed in there.

The Sexy Jams Playlist

Most people have a soundtrack for when they get down to business. Whether it be the background noise on the TV, straight up silence or a carefully crafted Spotify playlist, everyone likes creating a certain type of atmosphere for sexy time. For those that are fans of climaxing with musical accompaniment, I’ve put together a list of my recommended sex jams. PS – these are songs I would actually want to hear during a moment of seduction, so no “I’ll Make Love to You,” “I Wanna Sex You Up,” or “Bump N’ Grind.” Those would just cause raucous laughter.

1. “Rocket” – Beyoncé

Because who isn’t instantly ready to rumble when they hear the first line of this song? “Let me sit this aaaaaaass on you.” Yes to sitting. Yes to ass. Yes to everything.

2. “Pony” – Ginuwine

The ultimate boner jam that you’ve (literally) been riding to since high school.

3. “Doin’ It” – LL Cool J ft. Leshaun

The perfect blend of sexy and raunchy, forever giving you the power to call a guy “daddy” in a totally non-creepy way.

4. “Often” – The Weeknd

Let’s just put it this way… I can’t listen to The Weeknd at work anymore.

5. “Thinkin’ Bout You” – Frank Ocean

Smooth as butter. Or lube. Whatever, it’s a good freaking song to boom boom to.

6. “My All” – Mariah Carey

The first song I ever heard that had me questioning the tingling sensation in my lady parts.

7. “Adore You” – Miley Cyrus

Say what you want about ‘ol girl, but this song will arouse you in 2.5 seconds. Best played when sexing someone you really care about. If only for all the L bombs that she drops throughout.

8. “The Worst” – Jhené Aiko

Because hate sex needs a soundtrack too.

9. “Bad” – Wale ft. Rihanna

The bad bitch anthem that doubles as an amazing sex tune. There’s even a creaking bed in the background. If that’s not a direct instruction to take someone to bed, I don’t know what is.

10. “Body Party” – Ciara

Complete with a “My Boo” sample, this song just drips raw sexuality.

11. “Red Light Special” – TLC

No one makes #sexual music for women quite like the gals of TLC.

12. “Nice & Slow” – Usher

Tell me you don’t ~feel something~ when Usher starts spelling his name mid-song.

13. “Un-thinkable (I’m Ready)” – Alicia Keys

If you’re finally ready to take your courtship to the next level, this is the perfect song to ease into that transition.

14. “Crave You (Adventure Club Remix)” – Flight Facilities

For when you finally get that unrequited crush between yo sheets. Although that whole “dripping in gold” part could certainly be misinterpreted.

15. “Toma” – Pitbull ft. Lil’ Jon

When you just want to get down and dirty with the quickness.

16. “Anywhere” – 112 ft. Lil’ Zane

This song is pretty much a sex tutorial that everyone over the age of 17 needs to listen to immediately.

17. “My Neck, My Back” – Khia

If you’re in a particularly filthy mood, Khia’s aggressive vocals will let your partner know how you’d like for them to throw down.

18. “Give It To You” – Jordan Knight

Your sexual awakening happened to a song by an ex-member of New Kids on the Block. #dealwithit

19. “Gorilla” – Bruno Mars

Let Bruno Mars’ angelic voice be your guide as you bang, bang all you damn well please.

20. “Studio” – Schoolboy Q

No metaphors, just straight to the point grinding.

21. “Hands Down” – Dashboard Confessional

For the throwback emo kid in you.

22. “SexyBack” – Justin Timberlake ft. Timbaland

I mean, does this one even NEED an explanation?

Nine Signs You Found a Ride or Die Chick: The BFF Edition

Ever since I became a single lady, I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have a treasure trove of amazing women saunter into my life. Joining the equally awesome gal pals I’ve carried with me since childhood, all of these ladies have proved themselves to be the ultimate ride or die chicks. Here are nine signs that you may have found your very own scissor sisters:

1. When they see you making a poor decision, they’ll try to save you from yourself. And when you push them away and argue that you’re busy “doing you,” they’ll simply laugh it off and keep the judgment at bay.

2. After ingesting one too many shots and insisting that you’re walking 4 miles home, they’ll force you into a cab, make sure you get home okay, help undress you, feed you water, tuck you into bed and then promise you’re not dying (because you can’t possibly have drank that much and still be alive).

3. They aren’t afraid to give you that #realtalk whenever you’re acting a fool. On the flip, when you show up to their apartment in absolute shambles or suffer a freak panic attack, they’ll drop everything in order to tend to your momentary mental instability.

4. They will Pinterest the fuck out of your clothes or help you decorate your apartment or make you dinner to ensure that you’re fed properly. Basically, they’ll pick up the slack on the areas of your life that you’re less than stellar at.

5. They’ll go to bat for you without hesitation. From throwing the most excellent of shade to putting someone in their place on your behalf. Your back. They’ve got it.

6. When you’re convinced you have an incurable medical ailment, they’ll try their best to convince you that you’re fine. When you’re absolutely positive that death is imminent, they’ll go along with it and start Googling for doctors specializing in “weird bump on my friend’s crotch that she says is most definitely cancer.” It goes without saying that TMI is nonexistent in this friendship.

7. You don’t walk out the door until they’ve co-signed your outfit. Because you know that they’ll be the first to tell you if you look like an absolute hobgoblin.

8. Much like Ice Cube, they’re down for whatever. Spontaneous road trips. Impromptu dance parties. Weekly improv classes. I mean, whatever semi-crazy thing you want to do, they’re not going to ask too many questions.

9. You’re your best self when you’re around them. And on the rare occasion that you’re an absolute monster, they’ll forgive. But make sure that you never forget.