Ugh, I’m tired. No, not like I haven’t gotten enough sleep tired. Or I just went too HAM on that workout tired. But tired of the constant questioning of my relationship status. Personally, I’m fine with it. And not in the way women usually mean it, like when they say “I’M FINE,” and you know you fucked up. But I’m genuinely fine with my lot in life. I’m single. It’s okay. Really, it is. I’ll find a way to move forward without a guy by my side. I PROMISE. But, the tedious stigma of being a single girl in your late 20s is really starting to get to me. Because shouldn’t I have it figured out by now? Am I so irrevocably broken that I can’t, for lack of a better phrase, land a man? The short and the long of it is… well… no. So, allow me to cry you a river for a moment.
There’s no magic formula to this dating thing. One friend tells me, “go out on more dates,” so I do. But those end more awkwardly than they begin. Another tells me “you need to get out more.” So, again… I do. And that’s just wholly unfulfilling and no quality prospects ever seem to emerge. Yet another tells me, “it’ll happen when you stop looking.” So, I tried that too. And that one seemed to have worked for a while. I stopped trying, I kept my thirst in check, and I thought “FINALLY, it’s happened to me!” But, that didn’t work out either. So for months I thought, what the fuck am I doing wrong? Is it me? Is my very essence a turn-off? Do I look like an absolute hobgoblin? It was slowly getting to the point where the next guy with a not-so-bad criminal record and a decent tan would be the one to sweep me off my feet. Or, at the very least, sweep me off my pity pedestal. I really didn’t mean to act so hopeless. I didn’t. And praise all my Santos that at least my Cuban mom wasn’t on that “when are you giving me grandkids?” tip. Now THAT would have sent me straight to the convent life.
So what magic realization did I come to after months of I’M DYING ALONE conversations? It’s that my approach was all types of butt ugly wrong. I started and ended every day putting my entire worth and value in finding another human being to call my very own. I put aside the great friends I have, the family that cares, the career that is just getting started, the ass that doesn’t quit and the most bangin’ of personalities. I was focusing on the one negative when there were a milli positives.
And with that I say, I’m done. At least for now. At least with finding anything of substance in Miami. And no, this isn’t going to devolve into a rant of HOW NO GOOD MEN EXIST IN MIAMI. Because, that’s simply not true. I’m not bitter nor have I given up on finding a forever mate. It just shouldn’t be a priority right now. Right now I need to focus on doing me… not you.