Tag Archives: Listicle

20 Signs That You Might Be Cuban

1. The mere site of a chancleta strikes fear into your heart.

2. You question people who aren’t ride or die for cortaditos and coladas.

3. Celia Cruz made the soundtrack to your childhood.

4. Breakfast isn’t real unless it involves a pastelito, croqueta or tostada.

5. Your mom is in a constant panic about the weather. “It’s raining over here. Is it raining where you are? Ten cuidado.

6. You’ve mastered the art of Spanglish and speaking with your hands.

7. However, you haven’t gotten a handle on lowering your voice. You’re at a permanent level 10 and people have learned to deal.

8. You get excited about “¿Qué Pasa, U.S.A.?” reruns on PBS. And yes, it’s still an accurate depiction of Cuban living despite it being 30-plus years old.

9. Asando un puerco is your favorite part about the holidays.

10. You had tremendo Quinces. Bonus points if you perfected a rueda with your court.

11. You think guayaberas are perfectly fine attire for most (if not all) events.

12. Angels weep over your abuela’s flan.

13. You’re still not over Elian being sent back.  It happened more than 10 years ago, but you simply can’t let it go.

14. People have gotten used to you being late. That, or they just lie about the ACTUAL time you’re supposed to show up.

15. Willy Chirino’s “Tu Cumpleaños” was played at every single birthday party you attended. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

16. You know that merengue is not just a type of music.

17. You’ve shopped at Sedano’s or Presidente Supermarket.

18. You’re well versed in Jose Marti poetry. Zapaticos de Rosa and Cultivo una Rosa Blanca were totally your jam back in the day.

19. You get mildly offended when people confuse the Cuban and Puerto Rican flags.

20. You’ve actually spent time in Cuba and appreciate what you have, and more importantly, where you come from.

The “Above All Else” List. AKA My Relationship Must-Haves.

I think about relationships a lot. It’s a sickness, really. So naturally, I recently got to pondering what I need above all else in a relationship. Those must-haves in a partner that help you decide whether you want to continue a union or not. Consider it the “what you got” that will make me “fuck with you.” And while a few years ago I would’ve ranked “great job” and “good family” pretty highly, now I wonder if they’re seriously THAT important to me. Sure, they matter, but are they worth more to me than “makes me feel comfortable” and “makes me laugh to the point of tears”? So, I decided to create my “above all else” list, the things that I simply cannot live without when it comes to making U + ME an US.

1. COMFORT

To me, comfort means more than just the freedom to “be yourself” (as I’ve never really had an issue with that). It means hanging out with someone with absolutely no frills. Someone that I don’t even have to put makeup on for. Where farting and burping and other bodily functions don’t phase them, no matter how long you’ve been seeing each other. Basically, there’s just absolutely no bullshit going on. They accept you wholeheartedly, no matter how many quirks you possess.

2. LOVE ON TOP

Beyoncé sang about it for a reason. I never want to be the girl that whines for attention. Or pleads with you to stay in for the night. But if you forego drinks with ~the boys~ to watch a Law & Order: SVU rerun with me, that certainly speaks volumes. It also shows your commitment to Detective Olivia Benson, which is obviously another plus.

3. AMBITION

You don’t have to have the best job, you just have to be the best at it. You gotta take a page from the book of Rick Ross and hustle every damn day. You’re the BAWSE of your destiny.

4. HUMOR

I know this is a pretty obvious one. Like, who wants to be with someone that doesn’t like laughter and happiness? But NOT having a sense of humor is an absolute deal breaker for me. Nothing is more attractive than someone that’s clever and willing to laugh at themselves/make light of serious situations. Bonus points for finding me super hilarious, too.

5. AGREEABLE

No, not being a doormat. I can buy one of those at Target. But someone that doesn’t constantly feel the need to fight me on everything. Willing to compromise, never makes a big muss or fuss. Oh, and someone that can chill me the fuck out, because I’m as high-strung as they come.

6. POP CULTURE SAVVY

I’m pretty obsessed with pop culture, so anyone that understands my obscure television/movie/music references is baby daddy status. And, as I am NOT of the school of thought that opposites attract, those that don’t fit this bill are oftentimes (see: always) dismissed.

7. CAN THROW DOWN

Women have needs y’all, so sexual compatibility/attraction is a MUST. Homegirl over here needs someone that’s gonna put in work. EVERY. DAMN. TIME.