Tag Archives: Relationships

Let’s Play the Text Game

Most days, I consider myself a confident lady. Other days, I’m more of what I like to call “an absolute wreck of a human.” Sometimes, on very rare occasions, I can be both at the exact same time. And that rare moment actually caught me by surprise yesterday.

It started when one of my favorite gal pals was agonizing over whether she should text a guy first. They had a great weekend together, he had mentioned having dinner the following week and now she wanted to follow up. But he hadn’t texted in a few days and she was afraid that he had either lost interest or would “scare him off.” They’re silly thoughts, but ones that all of us tend to have. So, of course, my advice to her was to text the goober. I told her to be bold and go after what she wanted. After a few more excuses on her part (the possibility of rejection is SCARY, okay!), she relented and texted him later that night. And wouldn’t you know, he had been thinking about her, too. Their dinner has been formally scheduled.

While I was GChatting her off the ledge of #foreveralone, I was having my very own crisis. The problem was pretty much the same. Do I text the guy first? However, the terms were completely different. Dude and I hadn’t spoken in five months. Things had gotten awkward between us. And I kept questioning if this was really the right time to tear down that Berlin Wall. So, with the helpful nudging of a different favorite gal pal, I went for it. It should be said that I got ridiculously worked up about this. I immediately regretted that I couldn’t blame my decision on alcohol. I couldn’t bear to look at my phone in the case that the response (or lack thereof) would be less than desirable. I went as far as starting a video chat with my aforementioned friend so she could look at my phone screen and tell me whether I should be freaking out or not. Seriously, I was behaving like someone who needed their meds adjusted.

You see, confident while advising friends. Absolute wreck advising myself. But as I stand smack in the middle of sane and psychotic, I always manage to learn something. In this particular instance it was that the millennial “text game” is pretty damn stupid. You want to talk to someone? Just fucking do it. Don’t agonize about what they’re thinking. Don’t act disinterested to protect yourself. If they don’t respond or don’t reciprocate your feelings, you’ll find a way to move on. Don’t let the “do I text them first?” question plague you.

The “Above All Else” List. AKA My Relationship Must-Haves.

I think about relationships a lot. It’s a sickness, really. So naturally, I recently got to pondering what I need above all else in a relationship. Those must-haves in a partner that help you decide whether you want to continue a union or not. Consider it the “what you got” that will make me “fuck with you.” And while a few years ago I would’ve ranked “great job” and “good family” pretty highly, now I wonder if they’re seriously THAT important to me. Sure, they matter, but are they worth more to me than “makes me feel comfortable” and “makes me laugh to the point of tears”? So, I decided to create my “above all else” list, the things that I simply cannot live without when it comes to making U + ME an US.

1. COMFORT

To me, comfort means more than just the freedom to “be yourself” (as I’ve never really had an issue with that). It means hanging out with someone with absolutely no frills. Someone that I don’t even have to put makeup on for. Where farting and burping and other bodily functions don’t phase them, no matter how long you’ve been seeing each other. Basically, there’s just absolutely no bullshit going on. They accept you wholeheartedly, no matter how many quirks you possess.

2. LOVE ON TOP

Beyoncé sang about it for a reason. I never want to be the girl that whines for attention. Or pleads with you to stay in for the night. But if you forego drinks with ~the boys~ to watch a Law & Order: SVU rerun with me, that certainly speaks volumes. It also shows your commitment to Detective Olivia Benson, which is obviously another plus.

3. AMBITION

You don’t have to have the best job, you just have to be the best at it. You gotta take a page from the book of Rick Ross and hustle every damn day. You’re the BAWSE of your destiny.

4. HUMOR

I know this is a pretty obvious one. Like, who wants to be with someone that doesn’t like laughter and happiness? But NOT having a sense of humor is an absolute deal breaker for me. Nothing is more attractive than someone that’s clever and willing to laugh at themselves/make light of serious situations. Bonus points for finding me super hilarious, too.

5. AGREEABLE

No, not being a doormat. I can buy one of those at Target. But someone that doesn’t constantly feel the need to fight me on everything. Willing to compromise, never makes a big muss or fuss. Oh, and someone that can chill me the fuck out, because I’m as high-strung as they come.

6. POP CULTURE SAVVY

I’m pretty obsessed with pop culture, so anyone that understands my obscure television/movie/music references is baby daddy status. And, as I am NOT of the school of thought that opposites attract, those that don’t fit this bill are oftentimes (see: always) dismissed.

7. CAN THROW DOWN

Women have needs y’all, so sexual compatibility/attraction is a MUST. Homegirl over here needs someone that’s gonna put in work. EVERY. DAMN. TIME.